how i long for the day to come.

i have been chatting with a friend from utm. i have been saying to him how much i wanted time to move faster. i am feeling like this is taking too long. i felt that the days were moving slow, and i am stuck in my time frame. i know that in time i am gaining something. i am moving towards achieving my dream but it has been taking too long.

i know that the steps are important and no shortcuts could ever be possible for such a high dream. when i look at myself and see other people achieving their dream i started to think that i was moving too slow.

so i thought how about i remodel myself so that i would do it faster; but when i look at my myself, again i discovered that what i have planned is already good enough. Then i started to think if i am having a nerve break down.

Sadly i think i was having it. The time i spend with my grandparent made me feel that i might not be able to reach my goal before their time would end. so i became panic, and the feeling of anger burst from me. i was feeling angry with everyone around me.

Then i realise that the anger that i was giving was actually towards myself. i was angry not to anyone but me.

And then i started to understand now, that this is something which i have no control off. I could never control death. I was naturally growing and i know that it will take time. But fighting before my grandparent time was over was something which i can never do anything about.

So i packed my bags and told my parent that i am leaving for kampung. At least i could spend time with them before it was too late. This is the least that i could do.

off now.