i feel like writing

i have been feeling that i need to write. its been a while since i write . normally, i will make my daily post before i start my day, but now i am a little bit fuzzy. There are blank everywhere. Undetermined direction of where i am heading.

I have been getting comment from real life friends, well this and that. They took the effort to actually read my writing so i have to be grateful. Right? well a yes and no. Annoying as they may seem, but there are truth in those sharp words.

i don't have the english exposure, let alone english native speaker as a friend. i used to have a pen-pal from UK, but then he vanished to thin air. Well i think its when he got married and his wife started to feel uncomfortable seeing his husband writing to his young girl pen-pal from Malaysia. well women.

Then i tried making friends from yahoo chat, but my luck proves vain as the people there were just looking for "candy". I don't think i will be learning much besides the candy stuff so i stopped. i used to be bad. hahahhaha

But now when i know that i want to write, i guess i have to start all over. Those english lesson that i skipped during the old school days must somehow be paid before i could actually make improvement. So this is what i have to do before i reach there.

The Question left now is how long will i take to be there? will i ever reach that goal? i guess if i don't do anything about grammar and the basics, this hard question will never be answered. I will be in my usual safe place and nothing could ever be achieve. I am imagining myself aged 30 regretting why did i not do anything about my writing, well i think its going to be more painful.

My conclusion now is pretty simple, so now i may regret of my lack of concentration during english class, for that i am paying this shame. However what will i ever say to forgive myself if i do not take the opportunity of realisation that god have blessed me now?. will i ever get through it?

so let me start freeing myself from this stupid curse that makes my heart pain. The thought that people laugh at my mistake and parade them makes me sick.

let the game begin.