it has been ages since i wrote anything.
sorry because i have been missing. its a break i needed so much from the overwhelming emotion.
:) missed the sound of typing. tuk!tuk!tuk!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
too tired.
i am too tired to do anything. i can't even write a decent post since last week as i am too tired to write. i feel like i am slowly falling down.
though i try to stand strong, it feels like i don't have that passion to stand for now.
maybe i should just let myself fall down. then they will realise that i need rest too. i honestly think that i can only take some rest while i am on the floor.
my legs hurt, my eyes hurt and my emotions hurt, it is just too unbearable to continue standing. they have drained every bit of my strength till i no longer have any to give. i can't give what i don't have.
will be away for now.......
though i try to stand strong, it feels like i don't have that passion to stand for now.
maybe i should just let myself fall down. then they will realise that i need rest too. i honestly think that i can only take some rest while i am on the floor.
my legs hurt, my eyes hurt and my emotions hurt, it is just too unbearable to continue standing. they have drained every bit of my strength till i no longer have any to give. i can't give what i don't have.
will be away for now.......
Monday, October 4, 2010
Why do we keep improving ourselves?
To many people, defining accomplishment is a tool to measure where you are and how much you have gained. It is a self satisfying act that only the person himself would know how it would feel. Some friends showed to me indirectly that accomplishment can be addictive. You are drawn by the fact of its fulfillment and you find your self wanting for more. Greed some might say, but it seems that no one can deny that it is a good trait.
The fact that many people are unaware of such high is because many of us do not justify the means of measurement to stage how far we have accomplished. Passion is good but having a tool to continue grading ourselves is important too. What makes it difficult is perhaps the definition by itself, depends entirely on whom observing it.
If you are a self satisfying person, you define everything according to how you want it to be. However if you are the crowd type of people, what ever happens must be inline to what people want. I myself think that it should be a balance of both worlds. Writing only about what you want may not be popular to the crowed reading. You may end up being the only reader of your stuff. Being what people want would also do no good. You only do what people want and in the end you are not even aware of the writer you are becoming.
Have bits of yourself in your writing, like what I post previously, every writings have their own character and style. Do not afraid what people might say, as what they say means that they read your post and want more of you. The challenge that most writer have are the fact that they are looking for the link between what people want and what you want. Having a thoughtful mind, would seem reasonable to understand that what you write does affect the people reading.
Enough about writer, besides writing I do enjoy a couple of stuff. Drawing for instance let you express visually to what you see inside your mind. Though I am far from being an expert at drawing, I still get credit from the people around me. It makes sense that I am a right side brain kind of people.
All I know, that what ever I am doing, I do it continually from time to time. I enjoy that it gives me the freedom to express and be myself. So the question to why do people continue to improve themselves might comes back to the answer to why they do it in the first place. Though the road is winding and narrow, the struggle to pursue what they want continues because it significantly merits the person they want to be in the future.
I have learned that what image you have of yourself in the end defines the things that you are currently doing. No one wants to procrastinate if they know it clearly that they want to be great in a certain area. Although the road varies from one desire to another, what seems to stay similar is the knowing of what you want to be. That is why people continue to improve themselves.
The fact that many people are unaware of such high is because many of us do not justify the means of measurement to stage how far we have accomplished. Passion is good but having a tool to continue grading ourselves is important too. What makes it difficult is perhaps the definition by itself, depends entirely on whom observing it.
If you are a self satisfying person, you define everything according to how you want it to be. However if you are the crowd type of people, what ever happens must be inline to what people want. I myself think that it should be a balance of both worlds. Writing only about what you want may not be popular to the crowed reading. You may end up being the only reader of your stuff. Being what people want would also do no good. You only do what people want and in the end you are not even aware of the writer you are becoming.
Have bits of yourself in your writing, like what I post previously, every writings have their own character and style. Do not afraid what people might say, as what they say means that they read your post and want more of you. The challenge that most writer have are the fact that they are looking for the link between what people want and what you want. Having a thoughtful mind, would seem reasonable to understand that what you write does affect the people reading.
Enough about writer, besides writing I do enjoy a couple of stuff. Drawing for instance let you express visually to what you see inside your mind. Though I am far from being an expert at drawing, I still get credit from the people around me. It makes sense that I am a right side brain kind of people.
All I know, that what ever I am doing, I do it continually from time to time. I enjoy that it gives me the freedom to express and be myself. So the question to why do people continue to improve themselves might comes back to the answer to why they do it in the first place. Though the road is winding and narrow, the struggle to pursue what they want continues because it significantly merits the person they want to be in the future.
I have learned that what image you have of yourself in the end defines the things that you are currently doing. No one wants to procrastinate if they know it clearly that they want to be great in a certain area. Although the road varies from one desire to another, what seems to stay similar is the knowing of what you want to be. That is why people continue to improve themselves.
Friday, October 1, 2010
So you think you are tough? Hardcore?
just watch as i perform a magic trick
My head is spinning and it seems that everything I do just made it worst. Something is in my throat tickling my cough. owh its nasty. The only time I do not cough is when I am in deep sleep, well that is of cause if I am even aware of doing it.
Since I am in the mood of sharing my sluggishness, I have imbedded a video that might explain how my throat is making me feel.
Since I am in the mood of sharing my sluggishness, I have imbedded a video that might explain how my throat is making me feel.
The best thing besides the volcano eruption is the sound his friends are making. Let me list down my all time favourite.
10. can you feel that ? (it sounds funnier if the tone were like after giving brian a punch...can you feel that huh? can you feel that?)
9. owh…waaaaaa!!!! (cliche)
8. OMG… OMG…OMG….. (i know its obvious but its a dude saying it)
7. It is the worst I ever …. (what do you expect?)
6. What is that!??!! (do you still need me to tell you?)
5. It smells so bad… (okay this made me wanna vomit)
4. does it feel good??? (owh yeah baby)
3. how much could there be… (a pinch of mystery i see)
2. It is like a brain… (never see that coming)
and the number one goes to.....
1. omg its like cadet cheese.. (owhhh yeah..... that is the one )
did it work? i'm guessing yes... lol
cough*
cough*
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Cheaper in those days
My mum used to say that everything used to be cheap. She would remind me that she only needed RM 0.50 cent and it was enough for her whole school day. She said bas fares were only 10 cent, two glasses of drinks for 10 cent and a lunch for 15 cent. She could even save 15 cent a day. Yeah, things were that cheap.
Today, you are lucky if you could save some from spending RM 10 a day. What can I say, even a trip to the toilet cost 30 cent?
Imagine if I could travel back and bring a long a ten ringgit note with me. I would be rich, rich I say. Since going to school would only cost me 10 cent, imagine what 10 ringgit would do? I’d be traveling the whole country.
Well maybe not all places, I’m not even sure if transportation were good in those days. Look at the picture below.
This picture of bas mini (we Malaysian call it) might not look appealing these days, but in those days it must have been like riding the Ferrari. Only the town people could afford taking a bus. Mum also said that her friends used to travel 10 kilometers (6.25 miles) in a bicycle everyday just to be in school and another 10 kilometers to get home. It was a common traveling transportation in those days.
These days you find people doing it just for the sake of having fun. I guess that is why people in those days don’t go to gyms to shed pound.
Radios were the source of their entertainment. They even listen to sport matches on it. That is why radio commentators were like the celebrities. Black and white televisions however were only for the rich. Dad told me that he would have to go to his friend house just to catch the wonder years show.
Things are different now, what used to cost for 1 ringgit might triple in today’s life (that is if we find it on sale). A movie used to cost my dad only 1 ringgit; but today with the same amount you could only get a glass of hot tea.
Inflation?
Today, you are lucky if you could save some from spending RM 10 a day. What can I say, even a trip to the toilet cost 30 cent?
Imagine if I could travel back and bring a long a ten ringgit note with me. I would be rich, rich I say. Since going to school would only cost me 10 cent, imagine what 10 ringgit would do? I’d be traveling the whole country.
Well maybe not all places, I’m not even sure if transportation were good in those days. Look at the picture below.
This picture of bas mini (we Malaysian call it) might not look appealing these days, but in those days it must have been like riding the Ferrari. Only the town people could afford taking a bus. Mum also said that her friends used to travel 10 kilometers (6.25 miles) in a bicycle everyday just to be in school and another 10 kilometers to get home. It was a common traveling transportation in those days.
These days you find people doing it just for the sake of having fun. I guess that is why people in those days don’t go to gyms to shed pound.
Radios were the source of their entertainment. They even listen to sport matches on it. That is why radio commentators were like the celebrities. Black and white televisions however were only for the rich. Dad told me that he would have to go to his friend house just to catch the wonder years show.
Things are different now, what used to cost for 1 ringgit might triple in today’s life (that is if we find it on sale). A movie used to cost my dad only 1 ringgit; but today with the same amount you could only get a glass of hot tea.
Inflation?
note from me
hey friends, new and old.. Form the ones that I love their writing so dearly to the ones that I see potential to be great.
I would like to say that I enjoyed reading your blogs. I don’t know how to describe the feeling maybe I am just an addict for good write ups.
I know that I have a lot to improve in my writings, but I know that I have you guys as my role model.
Do you know that each and every day, I would check on your blogs just to see for new post? :-P yeap each and everyone of you.
It seems like I now have a habit of stalking your blogs..
Hope that this writing journey would continue to what ever end it brings ..and I hope we will continue to write better…
hugs and kisses…
yogurt.
to read chapter 1 click here
I would like to say that I enjoyed reading your blogs. I don’t know how to describe the feeling maybe I am just an addict for good write ups.
I know that I have a lot to improve in my writings, but I know that I have you guys as my role model.
Do you know that each and every day, I would check on your blogs just to see for new post? :-P yeap each and everyone of you.
It seems like I now have a habit of stalking your blogs..
Hope that this writing journey would continue to what ever end it brings ..and I hope we will continue to write better…
hugs and kisses…
yogurt.
to read chapter 1 click here
Monday, September 27, 2010
Chapter 1: Hold on, don’t leave
I hugged and begged for him not to leave. I regretted what I said that pierced his heart and hurt him deep. But he left as he was determined inside wanting to leave.
I look around reminiscing what had happened. The floor was a mess and the closet was empty. Indeed he did really want to leave.
I tried to wonder if things could have been different. If those dreaded words were not mentioned, could he have chose to stay? Stay here with me. I feel guilty and wrong for I did not see that he would never again want me.
I was angry now I feel lonely. Never have I ever felt this empty. I look at the kitchen and all I see are the food I prepared that he slammed to the floor. How could I hurt him when all I did was for him? His favourite dish his favourite drink, was not even looked and tasted by him.
I tried to put myself together and clean up the mess, but the picture of us together made my knees weak.
The empty chair that he used to sit and rest, bare his scent that put my heart not to rest. I cried horribly when I rethink, the door he closed that ended all this.
I rest on the floor thinking that death is better than this. Closing my eyes wanting to forget but the sound of his angry words keeps ringing in my head. What is the purpose to live when living reminds me of his heart no longer with me?
I want to stand up but my knees are too weak; so I stayed there and remained still. I wish for him to come back even if it is only to pick up what is left of his stuff, but all I see is his space empty. All of his have been taken away and all of it I shall never see again.
I know that this is the end, but my heart believed that it is different. I tried to call but his phone was switched off, so I text him for the forgiveness that he did not hold; for I only hope that he appeared in what used to be our home.
Don’t leave me, are the phrases I used, to comfort when he is still around and to shower from his burning tone.
Why did I not see that all this was coming? That he wanted to leave from the beginning. Maybe it is me that love him more. Because loving him was the real sin. He only wanted the money and not me, which he have none but I voluntarily provided him.
I was the fool but I dare not believe, as I fear his absence more than his integrity. The truth was clear but my love for him was clearer. It was my mistake to fall greatly in love more than he would ever love me back. I have done all the giving but never getting them back. I have not only lost but I have lost so much.
His words and his promises were nothing but a lie, though my love for him was true and can never die. The texts that used to make me smile now forever make me cry. My tears drop heavily though I want them to stop. I am all alone and nothing could change that.
I finally stood up and walk to our room, not because I was better but because I missed his presences. His pillow scent was all I have, to remind me of where he used to rest his head. I did not stop crying even as I have hugged his pillow, for it is not enough and I wanted of him more.
I prayed to God, the one who is up above, to trade my happiness just to have him around. The only love that could take this pain away is not in anyone’s hand but only in him, the guy that used to call me his babe.
I wanted God to make me happy now, not tomorrow or the day after. But sometimes the impossible are impossible and what is end will always be nothing more but an end.
My tears are plenty if only he could see; that a girl who is I, have love him this deep. I cried and felt asleep crying; as I know when my next day begins I’ll start crying again.
(not based on my real life)
I look around reminiscing what had happened. The floor was a mess and the closet was empty. Indeed he did really want to leave.
I tried to wonder if things could have been different. If those dreaded words were not mentioned, could he have chose to stay? Stay here with me. I feel guilty and wrong for I did not see that he would never again want me.
I was angry now I feel lonely. Never have I ever felt this empty. I look at the kitchen and all I see are the food I prepared that he slammed to the floor. How could I hurt him when all I did was for him? His favourite dish his favourite drink, was not even looked and tasted by him.
I tried to put myself together and clean up the mess, but the picture of us together made my knees weak.
The empty chair that he used to sit and rest, bare his scent that put my heart not to rest. I cried horribly when I rethink, the door he closed that ended all this.
I rest on the floor thinking that death is better than this. Closing my eyes wanting to forget but the sound of his angry words keeps ringing in my head. What is the purpose to live when living reminds me of his heart no longer with me?
I want to stand up but my knees are too weak; so I stayed there and remained still. I wish for him to come back even if it is only to pick up what is left of his stuff, but all I see is his space empty. All of his have been taken away and all of it I shall never see again.
I know that this is the end, but my heart believed that it is different. I tried to call but his phone was switched off, so I text him for the forgiveness that he did not hold; for I only hope that he appeared in what used to be our home.
Don’t leave me, are the phrases I used, to comfort when he is still around and to shower from his burning tone.
Why did I not see that all this was coming? That he wanted to leave from the beginning. Maybe it is me that love him more. Because loving him was the real sin. He only wanted the money and not me, which he have none but I voluntarily provided him.
I was the fool but I dare not believe, as I fear his absence more than his integrity. The truth was clear but my love for him was clearer. It was my mistake to fall greatly in love more than he would ever love me back. I have done all the giving but never getting them back. I have not only lost but I have lost so much.
His words and his promises were nothing but a lie, though my love for him was true and can never die. The texts that used to make me smile now forever make me cry. My tears drop heavily though I want them to stop. I am all alone and nothing could change that.
I finally stood up and walk to our room, not because I was better but because I missed his presences. His pillow scent was all I have, to remind me of where he used to rest his head. I did not stop crying even as I have hugged his pillow, for it is not enough and I wanted of him more.
I prayed to God, the one who is up above, to trade my happiness just to have him around. The only love that could take this pain away is not in anyone’s hand but only in him, the guy that used to call me his babe.
I wanted God to make me happy now, not tomorrow or the day after. But sometimes the impossible are impossible and what is end will always be nothing more but an end.
My tears are plenty if only he could see; that a girl who is I, have love him this deep. I cried and felt asleep crying; as I know when my next day begins I’ll start crying again.
(not based on my real life)
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