Chapter 1: Hold on, don’t leave

I hugged and begged for him not to leave. I regretted what I said that pierced his heart and hurt him deep. But he left as he was determined inside wanting to leave.

I look around reminiscing what had happened. The floor was a mess and the closet was empty. Indeed he did really want to leave.

I tried to wonder if things could have been different. If those dreaded words were not mentioned, could he have chose to stay? Stay here with me. I feel guilty and wrong for I did not see that he would never again want me.

I was angry now I feel lonely. Never have I ever felt this empty. I look at the kitchen and all I see are the food I prepared that he slammed to the floor. How could I hurt him when all I did was for him? His favourite dish his favourite drink, was not even looked and tasted by him.

I tried to put myself together and clean up the mess, but the picture of us together made my knees weak.

The empty chair that he used to sit and rest, bare his scent that put my heart not to rest. I cried horribly when I rethink, the door he closed that ended all this.

I rest on the floor thinking that death is better than this. Closing my eyes wanting to forget but the sound of his angry words keeps ringing in my head. What is the purpose to live when living reminds me of his heart no longer with me?

I want to stand up but my knees are too weak; so I stayed there and remained still. I wish for him to come back even if it is only to pick up what is left of his stuff, but all I see is his space empty. All of his have been taken away and all of it I shall never see again.

I know that this is the end, but my heart believed that it is different. I tried to call but his phone was switched off, so I text him for the forgiveness that he did not hold; for I only hope that he appeared in what used to be our home.

Don’t leave me, are the phrases I used, to comfort when he is still around and to shower from his burning tone.

Why did I not see that all this was coming? That he wanted to leave from the beginning. Maybe it is me that love him more. Because loving him was the real sin. He only wanted the money and not me, which he have none but I voluntarily provided him.

I was the fool but I dare not believe, as I fear his absence more than his integrity. The truth was clear but my love for him was clearer. It was my mistake to fall greatly in love more than he would ever love me back. I have done all the giving but never getting them back. I have not only lost but I have lost so much.

His words and his promises were nothing but a lie, though my love for him was true and can never die. The texts that used to make me smile now forever make me cry. My tears drop heavily though I want them to stop. I am all alone and nothing could change that.

I finally stood up and walk to our room, not because I was better but because I missed his presences. His pillow scent was all I have, to remind me of where he used to rest his head. I did not stop crying even as I have hugged his pillow, for it is not enough and I wanted of him more.

I prayed to God, the one who is up above, to trade my happiness just to have him around. The only love that could take this pain away is not in anyone’s hand but only in him, the guy that used to call me his babe.

I wanted God to make me happy now, not tomorrow or the day after. But sometimes the impossible are impossible and what is end will always be nothing more but an end.

My tears are plenty if only he could see; that a girl who is I, have love him this deep. I cried and felt asleep crying; as I know when my next day begins I’ll start crying again.


(not based on my real life)