why the survival of your relationship is important to me

this post is dedicated to the people who have just found love (especially this one friend). i hope you are reading this.

i always think that people are similar in some ways. though they have different believe system, feelings are feelings and love is love. People are attracted to love despite knowing that the significant other may be different and unchangeable. As in a relationship people are naturally different in many ways (i.e. gender, faith, likes and dislikes and many more), disagreement will somehow find its way in every area of the relationship.

He or she may not like the people you are friends with, despise the stupid jokes you often do, resent the way your family way of life or even feel unhappy about the toilet seat you often forgot to put down.

For a newly formed relationship, love may be the strongest factor that shades all the imperfection of the other person. That is why there is a saying in the Malay proverb that "kentut pun bau wangi" or the English translation of it " even the stinkiest fart will not bother you", Funny as it may sound but it is the truth. When one is at the beginning of a relationship everything seems unique and some would say cute. but after six month or more the ugliness could no longer be tolerated. So the only consequences is to criticise and argue (well yeah, it actually starts with mentioning about it politely, i'm just forwarding it to the next stage).

So what will you do about it? would you just ignore those criticism despite feeling pinched thinking and hearing about it? or would you actually change yourself for that one person?

That is why i intend to enlighten you with this particular post. You must have a bigger reason to have a relationship. the relationship should means something more than just love. Let me explain in detail how i see relationship. Relationship is not about just having the other person close to you it is about learning to accept differences. It is way bigger than love because it shows that there is hope that you would be a good example to the rest of us of how you make the relationship work.

i am focusing on this thing as lately, what i see in our local news are immature people hating the other person's guts not because the person did something bad like hurting someone but because the other person have differing believe in God, because they are born in a different race, because they have different lifestyle and many more. It hurts me when i see people who can't find a way to accept each other.

You might say this could not be the reason to why i think your relationship is important as you might think that it has nothing to do with the hate scenario happening around us. But in reality, it is. It has everything to do with what goes on right now. The behaviour you present in your small community, actually spreads around. If you fail your relationship just because of the reasons i mentioned above then you do not understand how important a relationship is to the community.

:) let me just say this one more time. Despite being a small piece of the community, you are the role model of the people around you. You give hope to the people around you unconsciously that there is a way to compromise with your partner even if the whole world is against you. Because I somehow believe that God does not make mistake and He made you feel that way because of a reason beyond our understanding. And i am telling you that you are not alone as i will always support you even in my prayers.

Jewellery and I are not good friends

Women in general have strong lust for beautiful jewellery. It has become part of a complete clothing that one might feel incomplete without wearing at least three type of jewellery (i.e. necklace, earrings and bracelets). This type of jewellery thinking has made its production massive and huge. From the production of jewellery which cost a penny to the ones which match the price of a good fully furnished house. Hence one might wonder how did it all came to start? When did women decide to start wearing jewellery?

I cannot give much opinion for the women who lives all around the world but I can share some fact to why Malaysian Malay women wear them. It actually starts as early as four months old. Parents dress their daughters with anclelace to signal the people around them that their new born child is a girl. Weird as it may sounds, Malay parents just want to stop people from asking them whether it a boy or a girl.

As the girl grow one and a half years old , some parents even had their child's earlobe punctured. I only had mine when I was four years old. I don't remember the pain but mum says I had cried only for the first hour. I think that is why people do it as early as one and half years old, they don't want the child to remember the pain. For the guys out there who wears earrings, I hear that it stings. I guess beauty is pain.

I am not much a fan of jewellery, counting to this day I only have four necklaces , two rings and seven bracelets. But I do have plenty of earrings. The reason of not wanting to buy more does not mean that I am not feminine enough, but its because I hate the idea of wearing expensive things on my neck. My mum bought me a very expensive necklace because I have good grades for my Malaysian Certificate of Education or also known as SPM. I used to wear it everyday and every where until the day someone followed me back home. It was horrifying as bad thoughts intensely circulate in my head at that time. Thus I vow to only wear it on special occasion.

But that is not the only reason, I hear lots of stories of family fighting over inherited jewellery. For one its maybe because it cost a lot and the price of gold jewellery does not depreciate, and secondly its sort of because it can be associated with personal desire that made jewellery seem more than just a piece of metal. In a way its like fighting over make believe things that by owning a jewellery signify something personal. I used to say that, since I only have a brother I would not have to worry for who gets the family jewellery. But a friend told me that if my brother does get marry and have daughters, he might demand for the jewellery as well. But then again, if such things were to happen I think I'll just give it to him, but i'm taking the houses. hahahhaha

Coming back to the question of "When did women decide to start wearing jewellery?" well the mass media for one did a very good job in advertising. Secondly the social status recognition of those wearing are elegant and beautiful. I also hear from married friends that wearing expensive jewellery on certain occasion also shows the generosity and success of the husband. It seems that, if people don't wear jewellery it might lower the pride of their husbands. It is like saying that the husband are not doing well in their business or working life. It a dreaded string of invisible social expectation. Though people would deny such things, it seems that there is no escape to such demand.

I remember an article taken from a book posted somewhere on the net. It says that young Malay women are asked to look and wear decent before stepping out of the house. It is about representing the family that you born from. It symbolizes that you are well mannered and that your parents did good in raising you. Besides that, looking good may lure good candidates for future husbands. And in those days most women are to get married as early as ten years old or the moment you hit puberty (That is why you can meet people who their children are only a decade years different of age with their mothers).

i don't know which stand i would side if there is ever a question between choosing to wear or not to wear jewellery. But one thing i know deep in my heart is that those beautiful mask you wear does not represent who you are. If finding a candidate of husband is about who wears the most expensive jewellery, I think that the husband are full of himself. It reflect that the guys themselves are actually materialistic (though they always say women are the materialistic ones). So here is the conclusion, good friends are the one you contact often while the not so good you contact when you have something you want. Thus, jewellery and I are not good friends as I only use them when there is a need to do so. And that is it.

testing...

i am very shy now.

it has been ages since i wrote anything.

sorry because i have been missing. its a break i needed so much from the overwhelming emotion.

:) missed the sound of typing. tuk!tuk!tuk!

too tired.

i am too tired to do anything. i can't even write a decent post since last week as i am too tired to write. i feel like i am slowly falling down.

though i try to stand strong, it feels like i don't have that passion to stand for now.

maybe i should just let myself fall down. then they will realise that i need rest too. i honestly think that i can only take some rest while i am on the floor.

my legs hurt, my eyes hurt and my emotions hurt, it is just too unbearable to continue standing. they have drained every bit of my strength till i no longer have any to give. i can't give what i don't have.


will be away for now.......

Why do we keep improving ourselves?

To many people, defining accomplishment is a tool to measure where you are and how much you have gained. It is a self satisfying act that only the person himself would know how it would feel. Some friends showed to me indirectly that accomplishment can be addictive. You are drawn by the fact of its fulfillment and you find your self wanting for more. Greed some might say, but it seems that no one can deny that it is a good trait.

The fact that many people are unaware of such high is because many of us do not justify the means of measurement to stage how far we have accomplished. Passion is good but having a tool to continue grading ourselves is important too. What makes it difficult is perhaps the definition by itself, depends entirely on whom observing it.

If you are a self satisfying person, you define everything according to how you want it to be. However if you are the crowd type of people, what ever happens must be inline to what people want. I myself think that it should be a balance of both worlds. Writing only about what you want may not be popular to the crowed reading. You may end up being the only reader of your stuff. Being what people want would also do no good. You only do what people want and in the end you are not even aware of the writer you are becoming.

Have bits of yourself in your writing, like what I post previously, every writings have their own character and style. Do not afraid what people might say, as what they say means that they read your post and want more of you. The challenge that most writer have are the fact that they are looking for the link between what people want and what you want. Having a thoughtful mind, would seem reasonable to understand that what you write does affect the people reading.

Enough about writer, besides writing I do enjoy a couple of stuff. Drawing for instance let you express visually to what you see inside your mind. Though I am far from being an expert at drawing, I still get credit from the people around me. It makes sense that I am a right side brain kind of people.

All I know, that what ever I am doing, I do it continually from time to time. I enjoy that it gives me the freedom to express and be myself. So the question to why do people continue to improve themselves might comes back to the answer to why they do it in the first place. Though the road is winding and narrow, the struggle to pursue what they want continues because it significantly merits the person they want to be in the future.

I have learned that what image you have of yourself in the end defines the things that you are currently doing. No one wants to procrastinate if they know it clearly that they want to be great in a certain area. Although the road varies from one desire to another, what seems to stay similar is the knowing of what you want to be. That is why people continue to improve themselves.

So you think you are tough? Hardcore?

just watch as i perform a magic trick

My head is spinning and it seems that everything I do just made it worst. Something is in my throat tickling my cough. owh its nasty. The only time I do not cough is when I am in deep sleep, well that is of cause if I am even aware of doing it.

Since I am in the mood of sharing my sluggishness, I have imbedded a video that might explain how my throat is making me feel.

The best thing besides the volcano eruption is the sound his friends are making. Let me list down my all time favourite.

10. can you feel that ? (it sounds funnier if the tone were like after giving brian a punch...can you feel that huh? can you feel that?)

9. owh…waaaaaa!!!! (cliche)

8. OMG… OMG…OMG….. (i know its obvious but its a dude saying it)

7. It is the worst I ever …. (what do you expect?)

6. What is that!??!! (do you still need me to tell you?)

5. It smells so bad… (okay this made me wanna vomit)

4. does it feel good??? (owh yeah baby)

3. how much could there be… (a pinch of mystery i see)

2. It is like a brain… (never see that coming)


and the number one goes to.....

1. omg its like cadet cheese.. (owhhh yeah..... that is the one )

did it work? i'm guessing yes... lol

well I hope, that would make your day because it sure made mine.

cough*

cough*

Cheaper in those days

My mum used to say that everything used to be cheap. She would remind me that she only needed RM 0.50 cent and it was enough for her whole school day. She said bas fares were only 10 cent, two glasses of drinks for 10 cent and a lunch for 15 cent. She could even save 15 cent a day. Yeah, things were that cheap.

Today, you are lucky if you could save some from spending RM 10 a day. What can I say, even a trip to the toilet cost 30 cent?

Imagine if I could travel back and bring a long a ten ringgit note with me. I would be rich, rich I say. Since going to school would only cost me 10 cent, imagine what 10 ringgit would do? I’d be traveling the whole country.

Well maybe not all places, I’m not even sure if transportation were good in those days. Look at the picture below.

This picture of bas mini (we Malaysian call it) might not look appealing these days, but in those days it must have been like riding the Ferrari. Only the town people could afford taking a bus. Mum also said that her friends used to travel 10 kilometers (6.25 miles) in a bicycle everyday just to be in school and another 10 kilometers to get home. It was a common traveling transportation in those days.

These days you find people doing it just for the sake of having fun. I guess that is why people in those days don’t go to gyms to shed pound.

Radios were the source of their entertainment. They even listen to sport matches on it. That is why radio commentators were like the celebrities. Black and white televisions however were only for the rich. Dad told me that he would have to go to his friend house just to catch the wonder years show.

Things are different now, what used to cost for 1 ringgit might triple in today’s life (that is if we find it on sale). A movie used to cost my dad only 1 ringgit; but today with the same amount you could only get a glass of hot tea.

Inflation?

note from me

hey friends, new and old.. Form the ones that I love their writing so dearly to the ones that I see potential to be great.

I would like to say that I enjoyed reading your blogs. I don’t know how to describe the feeling maybe I am just an addict for good write ups.

I know that I have a lot to improve in my writings, but I know that I have you guys as my role model.

Do you know that each and every day, I would check on your blogs just to see for new post? :-P yeap each and everyone of you.

It seems like I now have a habit of stalking your blogs..

Hope that this writing journey would continue to what ever end it brings ..and I hope we will continue to write better…

hugs and kisses…

yogurt.

to read chapter 1 click here

Chapter 1: Hold on, don’t leave

I hugged and begged for him not to leave. I regretted what I said that pierced his heart and hurt him deep. But he left as he was determined inside wanting to leave.

I look around reminiscing what had happened. The floor was a mess and the closet was empty. Indeed he did really want to leave.

I tried to wonder if things could have been different. If those dreaded words were not mentioned, could he have chose to stay? Stay here with me. I feel guilty and wrong for I did not see that he would never again want me.

I was angry now I feel lonely. Never have I ever felt this empty. I look at the kitchen and all I see are the food I prepared that he slammed to the floor. How could I hurt him when all I did was for him? His favourite dish his favourite drink, was not even looked and tasted by him.

I tried to put myself together and clean up the mess, but the picture of us together made my knees weak.

The empty chair that he used to sit and rest, bare his scent that put my heart not to rest. I cried horribly when I rethink, the door he closed that ended all this.

I rest on the floor thinking that death is better than this. Closing my eyes wanting to forget but the sound of his angry words keeps ringing in my head. What is the purpose to live when living reminds me of his heart no longer with me?

I want to stand up but my knees are too weak; so I stayed there and remained still. I wish for him to come back even if it is only to pick up what is left of his stuff, but all I see is his space empty. All of his have been taken away and all of it I shall never see again.

I know that this is the end, but my heart believed that it is different. I tried to call but his phone was switched off, so I text him for the forgiveness that he did not hold; for I only hope that he appeared in what used to be our home.

Don’t leave me, are the phrases I used, to comfort when he is still around and to shower from his burning tone.

Why did I not see that all this was coming? That he wanted to leave from the beginning. Maybe it is me that love him more. Because loving him was the real sin. He only wanted the money and not me, which he have none but I voluntarily provided him.

I was the fool but I dare not believe, as I fear his absence more than his integrity. The truth was clear but my love for him was clearer. It was my mistake to fall greatly in love more than he would ever love me back. I have done all the giving but never getting them back. I have not only lost but I have lost so much.

His words and his promises were nothing but a lie, though my love for him was true and can never die. The texts that used to make me smile now forever make me cry. My tears drop heavily though I want them to stop. I am all alone and nothing could change that.

I finally stood up and walk to our room, not because I was better but because I missed his presences. His pillow scent was all I have, to remind me of where he used to rest his head. I did not stop crying even as I have hugged his pillow, for it is not enough and I wanted of him more.

I prayed to God, the one who is up above, to trade my happiness just to have him around. The only love that could take this pain away is not in anyone’s hand but only in him, the guy that used to call me his babe.

I wanted God to make me happy now, not tomorrow or the day after. But sometimes the impossible are impossible and what is end will always be nothing more but an end.

My tears are plenty if only he could see; that a girl who is I, have love him this deep. I cried and felt asleep crying; as I know when my next day begins I’ll start crying again.


(not based on my real life)

butterfly

My wings flew me from places,
traveling above surfaces.
Scouting for,
a flower that does not bore.

Nothing less than perfect,
so I shall not regret.
The smell of blue, red and yellow,
the beauty that I desire to hold.

I dare the weather,
the scare and the bitter,
Though tiny and small,
I try not to fall.

Don’t fail me wings,
so I’ll be a king.
My treasure are flowers,
that bare such suffer.

Mercy my journey,
I live not plenty.
I choose so little,
but risk till wrinkle.

How to be a good writer ?

This is a very difficult topic for me. I am not a good writer and I am only just learning to be one. I don’t know why it is difficult for me to share with people. Whether it is because I am lack of experience or just bad with English, I think I am just bad at both.

I read a few author biographies today and found out that most of them started early when they were still young. Some were excellent even at their very young age. Many have actually participated with serious writings making them well prepared to write good stories. So the question is how am I supposed to catch up with these guys?

Learning anything can be tough when it is the first time. I know that to be true when people do criticise my writing. Lack of coherent, too simple and sounds funny. All of them gave a general statement. I am willing to learn but find it hard to know where I should start. Do I revise on my grammar? or do I go and do something exciting so that I actually have something to write?

I read many blogs that I found interesting. Thus, I am aware that length is not the reason why people still read them. The message also does not need to be extraordinary and can be simple. It is just how you present them in writing that matters.

When I read good blogs, I can see that they have characters and distinctive style that goes along with it. Some are touching while some are thrilling to read. No matter how you look at them, they have class and standard.

My blog (writing) however does not have that. A term my friend use to describe are “niche”. He told me that, writing can be about anything. What I write in my blog matters to my readers as what is written tells a story about myself. The personality of a particular person can be seen with just a glance of their writing.

I am still a seed metaphorically in this area. I just need to be patient and keep on doing it. so I hope this explain why I keep changing the stuff I write in my blog. I am experimenting and trying different stuff.

In time I hope to make acquaintances with people all over the world through my writing. I hope to get to know good writers and continue to enjoy reading their works. Besides that I also would like to know new bloggers who are trying to be a good writer too. I want to read and observe their improvement from time to time. It would be nice to know people struggling like me to be good in writing.

Writing can actually be a lot of work when you think about it. To start one must be ready to accept that it is not going to be a pleasant journey all the time. There are many type of people out there, some are motivating while some are blatant. It is I who have to set my mind to get there.

I do hope I could be a great writer. Even though it will take years to actually improve, I think it is going to be worth the while.

Spoiler (only read this after watching season 2x03 of the leverage show)

I like this episode in particular because of how the story indirectly sends out the idea of “do not abuse small kids”. I burst to tears where justice was brought and I assume saved the young boy life.

The story was actually about some other criminal justice thing but hidden was another story about a child abuse. This story tried to show how simple it is to make a small kid believe that being abuse by their parent is okay. The kid wanted to tell the law enforcer about the bare he burdened but was afraid as his father has connections with many police officers. In a way the kid thought he just have to take the punch and not shout. However one of the leverage guy used his magic talent to make it right thus save the kid.

What made me think is that, in almost every part of the world, small kids are abuse because they can not fight back. It is a coward way of letting off steam. Children are supposed to get the whole package of what childhood should be. I remembered my childhood very well; I was spoiled.

It should never be the other way around. I heard that some say it was to discipline kids. Do they really know the difference between disciplining a kid and abusing a kid? I am sorry but in my head, power can easily be abused. Since in this case a child depends entirely on their parents for moral compass, shelter, love and food; they don’t really have much to defend themselves.

I feel outraged by some people who justify it by saying that it is to discipline them so they need to hit the kids. If it is so right then why does it is always done when people are not looking and not around? Why do it in the house behind closed doors?

Reality is abusers are plenty, in that show (even though it is only a show) the kid was lucky as the hero could see pass through the kids eye. He realises that the kid was actually carrying more than just a broken arm.

If only we could all become attentive like this hero.

Superstitions

Today I actually wanted to write about something different. I wanted to write what superstition is and how an unsubstantial practice survives through the time of modern technology. Why do some people still believe in it and why some do not?

However as I was reading articles about superstition, the keyword seems to links to black magic and voodoo stuff. Even historical facts pops up telling how bad it was when many superstition practitioners was too obsessed and had many strong supporters. The boon of this behaviour seems to go on and on and with out realisng it, I was half scared myself in writing about it.

I wanted to post about how superstition can be used as an historical fact. For example in Malaysia, there is an ethnic which believe that the souls of the dead people lay rest on the Peak of Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in Malaysia. Well I am not sure about the soul thing, but I do know that if this belief was passed down from one generation to another, it would mean that even in those days, without a proper measurement, they knew that Mount Kinabalu was the highest peak. Imagine if there was another mountain higher than Mount Kinabalu, wouldn’t the superstition be different?

My post would have tried to link between actual facts with superstition. They must have witnessed some event or stayed in a surrounding which made them believe in their superstition. Some how it started with people observing nature, then it turned into a practice that was passed down to the younger generation.



However, my reading had spooked me even before I started writing. My findings have shown how criminals use the superstition card in their defense of their action. Some even try to escape the law by justifying what they do is not wrong. Thus, making it hard to be on the side where you actually agree that superstition are important facts.

If I choose to disagree, I would have said that superstition allows unscrupulous behaviour to exist. Superstition can actually confuse people with reality. Without a doubt people would have had better life if superstition never existed.

Superstition stuff is actually at a thin line, the line where everyone will hate the existences of it. I have read an article about a professor trying to link the behaviour of a pigeon to superstition but have met strong disagreement from his colleagues. An article of why superstition are stupid are also every where and not hard to find.



In my opinion, superstition can either be good or bad. In some culture superstition are reminders to be safe. For example, the chinese Feng Shui. They have a belief that sharp edges in the house would cause bad luck to the family. It is not entirely a lie as sharp edges could injure small kids. Other example is, do not go out during the shift time of evening to night. In my place this is the most productive time for mosquito and small insects to bite and feed on humans’ blood which could cause dengue or fever by the transmission of these diseases.

When you rethink about it, superstitions are not all bad, humans are. We are the ones who made it look bad. In my defense for superstition is that, there are reasons to why people start doing what they do. It is common sense that some would agree and like while some would criticise and disagree.

5 things I hate about the leverage show

I hate that it is untrue,
I hate that it will take an hour of my time,
I hate that there are 3 seasons of it,
I hate that I never knew it earlier,
I hate that it is so damn good.

The show says it all. It is like the new batman without the costume show. You guys should never start watching it. It is too addictive.

Now I am going to sleep but before that I have an episode to watch. I actually think that i would go to sleep after that.

so naive

In serious need of an intervention

I have been feeling that i am less productive these days. I try to write but i ended up with just a paragraph at the end of the day. I have been scribbling with words trying to make the connection with what i actually want to express but i feel like its too cliche. Need to get enlightened.

I have been watching old movies and realise that i have been watching them over and over again. I am currently out of words. My vocabulary seems limited at the moment. what i write seems like have been written before. Plus the crowded open house invitation i have been receiving just makes me unacceptably lazy.

I thought that by meeting more people i will get more ideas on what to write. Disappointingly, when old friends meet up they tend to talk a lot about the old days. Very..very old stories that i don't feel like writing about it.

I want to write something fresh. Today i start to realise that i have not done any serious reading besides the one i have to for like a month or two.

I understand now that my desperate need for a serious reading is obvious. I also remember that i once said that reading is actually the maximum self satisfaction.

Perhaps i'll get a book to read today... damn i am on fire....

dependent or indpendent?

My dad used to say that life is like a football game. The different is that you have to play the game not only as the striker but as the goal keeper, the defender, the midfielder, the substitutes and even the manager. You don't really have a coach to tell you what strategy would work best nor do you have substitutes if you need to rest. You are on your own and you don't really have other people to depend upon.

In life, the wins are sometime measured by the success of being capable as a person. However we are not born capable. We were born in this world as babies. Babies need to be feed, cleaned and educated with a goal that they would learn to do it on their own. Thus, supports my dad's philosophy of life through the game of football.

sometimes i wonder would i ever really be independent. I have always had financial support from my parents and i even have friends to guide me when i needed hints to solve a problem.

I even looked at myself today wondering if the clothes i wear was actually chosen for me. In directly, i wore the clothes which i think looks good in the eye of the people who looks, does not that proves that the people around me are the ones who chose what best for my looks. This explains the Lady Gaga phenomenon on being free in fashion (not to say that i want to be Gaga).

What is freedom if all you do is to pleased the people around you? well, do not get me wrong. Although having awareness to people views are important part of being a community, we sometime have to think by the fact that perhaps all our views was implanted on us unconsciously.

The media have played the most important role of affecting my generation. Every single time we watch commercials, we are unconsciously drawn to their terms of definition. For example, I remembered the day when i start craving for waffles. No offense, but Malaysian people don't really have plenty of shops selling waffles in those days, so how did i get that craving? ahaaaa... A&W commercials.

In conclusion, i can no longer fight the fact we are all biased in some ways. Saying that we are not biased could also mean that you are biased in a certain way. I guess at the end of the day the question of who are actually the manager of our life would probably not be just ourselves.

am ugly and a nerd....

i am ugly.... thats why you chose to ignore me.

i am ugly.....

but i can't help it..

i wish that i was prettier than her.

i can not wrap my head in this stuff that i find disturbing my day, that you are no longer single and available.

i almost cried because you chose her. but i did try to be beautiful.

i am a nerd that is why i chose to be reclusive.

perhaps not the genius talented nerd but i want to be that, i see that its my only salvation because i am not pretty.

when you needed me i was there, i help you financially and emotionally. i even almost bought you an ipod when i am only using a black and white phone.

but to win your heart i must have beauty that i can never hold.

when the world was against you, i was on your side. i even cried trying to change myself for you.

but i was not pretty enough.

i guess i am ugly.

i am the girl that has lost a fight....

perhaps i shall never smile by your side anymore..

you are the beauty and i am the beast.

but i wonder why this fairy tale can not work.

i guess you wanted a beauty and beauty story...

you needed beauty so much that you had to chose her.

i accept my defeat...

for i am only ugly and a nerd.

sweet boboy...

i've got a phone call from grandmother's house, guess who was on the line? yerp boboy. He was asking when will i be back for this coming holidays.

sounds like he missed me.

me : you really missed me?

boboy: so much... kak ina, i have a question, but.. i am embarrassed to ask...

hmmm never mind... (he paused)

me : whats going on boboy? is everything ok? you know you can tell me anything... i would not judge

boboy: i'm good ..just that i have been wondering....

me: hmm about?

boboy: when you get here, will you be getting me a toy.?

me : -__-" a... i guess that is no longer an option.

he is a kid after all.

A pinching week

is it because of the socks i bought last week? or because i helped an old women carry her groceries to her car? either way it has been a bless full week for me.

i kept on telling myself that this is just a dream but pinching doesn't wake me up. i have been rechecking my result and there it was the miracle. the result that i got C has flipped to an A.

the first time i saw it, i was like " if this is a joke, someone is getting a slap" The second time i saw it " come on system error? " Then comes the third time view " ok, so this is real" (i shed tears).

The truth is, i didn't see it coming. Never in my wildest dream i would see myself getting this A. The paper was a difficult one i must say. Memorising the whole book would not be enough, you need to have cognitive thinking and be analytical before answering the question (this was the advise i got from my dad when i showed my result slip with a C. i wonder what he would say when i show him that it was supposed to be an A ).

Am i being thankful? Yes. do i feel that i deserve the corrected result? No.

If you have been tagging to my blog for a while you will know that i was in a tremendous melt down from the C that i got. i even made plan to retake the subject next semester. i have broken down the subject into parts which i assumed to be the best approach to tackle my weakest point. Most importantly i have even made peace with myself accepting that i was never meant to get A for that subject ( a hell lot of activity due to the C i got).

Now, it has been corrected. For some reason they (the faculty) apologise for the mistake that they have made, i am on the dean list and i am listed to a study programme abroad (full scholarship). A loser i was last week and a hero this week.

Sounds like a fairytale? tell me about it. karma? isn't a bitch anymore?


p/s: as i write this post i am still in the denial state.

how come?

i always wonder why people are being a ted selfish each passing day, everyone stairs back when I smile and drive like crazy on the road. Its like people care what means only to them. What is in for them and their destination is what matter.

Perhaps, they are burdened with pressing lifestyle. As life gets tough, they become rude as a way to show their displease towards everything that is going on in their life. this is the thing which worries me most. People forget the principle of being part of a community.

A stand up comedy that i used to watch, presented Chris Rock for 20 minutes. He certainly live up to his name as his stand up was certainly entertaining. One part of his joke that stuck in my head till today was the line where he jokes about the rap music. He said that in his time rap music can be analyse intellectually.

Those lyrics meant something, and its not just cursing words. however today, rap music is getting difficult to defend. The meaning sometime only escalate of sex and nothing worth looking into.

So Chris Rock implies that as long as the tune is right people don't give a damn what the real message is.

He has a point there, its like either people are more open or they are becoming less intellectual. I seldom assume the worst of people, but the prove is right in front of your eyes. The driving are immensely horrible, the starring gets worst. Its like they judge when they look at you. They don't care unless you have something for them.

i wonder what ten years from now will be. what is wrong with replying with a smile?